Been a While…

Posted on 26/04/2008. Filed under: Kids |

It has been quite some time since my last post. Work has been rather busy and I’ve been sick several times (unusual for me) and I haven’t really had anything that I’ve been willing to post. I haven’t spent as much time with my kids the beginning of this year as I would like to because of having to work more weekends than planned and because my ex-husband is being deployed to Iraq for a year, so whenever he has had a weekend off I have allowed him to have the kids, even if it meant that I would not get to spend as much time with them. Even though he’s going to a relatively ‘safe’ area, you never know what could happen, and the last thing I wanted to do was keep the kids from spending as much time with him as possible before his deployment.

On the subject of kids, someone recently said something rather hurtful to me regarding my kids. He said “What kind of mom doesn’t have her kids living with her?” If I were a man no one would think twice about my kids not living with me, and the quality of a parent I am would never be called into question. However, because I am a mother, it’s ok to assume that I’m detached, neglectful or that there is something else ‘wrong’ with me because my kids don’t live with me. Well, let’s see… When my ex-husband first moved out (and in with the woman who is now his wife) I had all FIVE kids living with me, plus I had to work full time. Well, since I am not wonder woman I couldn’t give the kids all the time and attention that they DESERVED. So, my ex and his wife took three of the kids to live with them. We let the kids pick who they wanted to live with… He had the middle three and I had the oldest and youngest. Sadly our oldest had some major issues and it wound up being best for my youngest to go live with her dad, and when that happened our second child came to live with me. Since that happened both of the oldest have moved out of the house and the three youngest are still with my ex.

My 17 yr old wants to stay where she is since she’s in her junior year right now and wants to graduate from the school she’s been going to for the past 3 years (and moving in with me would take her out of that school). My 14 yr old has always been “daddy’s boy” and wants to continue living with his father for that reason. That leaves my 11 yr old who would like to live with me now, but at the same time she’s been going to the same school for a number of years and doesn’t really want to leave her friends. What kind of mother would I be if I disregarded my kids wishes just so I could have them live with me? My kids are happy the way things are and they think I am a great mom. Unlike some divorced parents, my ex and I get along, and I even get along with his wife and we have had ‘family’ activities together. Sure, I would love to have my kids live with me. What mom wouldn’t? But, I also have to temper what I want with what is best for them. All in all, as long as my kids are happy and well-adjusted that’s all that matters to me.

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One Response to “Been a While…”

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Good for you. The kids are the first priority, not you or what some in our society think it should be. I am sorry that your marriage could not have worked, because I think from your posts that is what, if it was healthly, would have been your preference. You survive because you are what you are, not what people what you to be. That is never an undertaking that is accomplished with ease or with out pain, but you see the value in the living of YOUR life.

Adam.


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